Billie Eilish Scares The Crap Out Of Superfan Melissa McCarthy! WATCH! – Perez Hilton

Melissa McCarthy got the scare of her life!

On Wednesday’s episode of Ellen DeGeneres‘ daytime talk show, The Kitchen actress — who sat alongside her co-stars Tiffany Haddish and Elisabeth Moss — spoke about her admiration for singer Billie Eilish!

After Ellen played a clip where Melissa hilariously injects herself into the 17-year-old musician’s music video for Bad Guy, Eilish pops out from a hidden box, scaring the crap out of McCarthy!

Fortunately, the 48-year-old entertainer enjoyed the surprise, and the two hugged it out.

The thespian joked:

“What if you knocked me out?… I’m still weirdly [shaking]… You’re just not supposed to experience that.”

WATCH the awesome clip (below):

As we reported, the Mike & Molly alum opened up to InStyle about a journalist who asked insensitive and rude questions about her body during her 2011 press tour for Bridesmaids. She detailed:

“I won’t mention names but … he kept asking, ‘Are you shocked that you actually work in this business at your tremendous size?’ He was like, ‘Oh, your tremendous size, you can actually work?’ I just remember all the blood drained out of me. I thought, ‘With my tremendous size, I could tackle you so quickly.’”

Melissa continued:

“There were two cameras on him, and one was on me, and he went back to that question three or four times, and I just kept talking about the script or how fun [director] Paul Feig was. He was looking around like, ‘She’s crazy.’ When we left, their producer was horrified and said, ‘We’ll never play what he said. I’m so sorry.’ But it happens all the time, to the point where it’s fascinating because they don’t do it to men. Not to be a jerk or single him out, but when John Goodman was heavier, did anybody ever talk about his girth?”

The starlet recalled another incident where a different reporter crossed the line, and called her “grotesque” in the middle of a press conference:

“Years ago, I was at a press conference for either The Heat or Tammy and somebody from a very big organization kept asking me, ‘Why do you always feel the need to be so grotesque?’ I said, ‘What are we talking about? I can’t answer your question because I don’t understand it.’ He goes, ‘You look sloppy, you’re not wearing any makeup, your hair is not done, you’re yelling at people.’”

Luckily for the reporter, the funny woman responded with kindness:

“I was like, ‘OK, so have you ever asked this of a guy? I’m playing a character. You need to get out more if you don’t think there are real women like that.’ He goes, ‘Oh, fine, I’m aggressive, call it whatever you want. If you don’t want to answer the questions, you shouldn’t come to the panel.’ I was like, ‘I really want to answer your questions. I’m sorry I didn’t wear makeup in a part. I’m sorry I didn’t look pleasant for you. But I also don’t think you should be here writing about movies.’”

Melissa is such a class act!

[Image via The Ellen Show/YouTube.]

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Carine Roitfeld: ‘Drink espresso, sleep in your makeup, dont take selfies’

Carine Roitfeld, queen of French fashion, reveals her rules for Parisienne chic to a terrified Sophie Heawood

Carine Roitfeld was the editor of French Vogue for 10 years, worked closely with Karl Lagerfeld, is an adviser to Tom Ford and is an absolute titan in the global fashion world. Naturally, what this means to me is that the thought of meeting her is absolutely terrifying, so I sit down in the Parisian hotel where we have arranged to do the interview and tell her this. She is dressed in black, of course, her slightly hunched posture making her look more like her 64 years. She is sipping a tiny coffee, and isnt remotely surprised Im terrified.

People think Im judging, but Im not judging, she says. Im watching. Its different. People sometimes say, My God her eyes will scan you, but its not to judge you. Its to get ideas. Its observation.

Well thats all right then. French Vogue, under her tenure from 2001 to 2011, was a force to be reckoned with. It looked like nothing else. She believed in bold ideas and she loved boobs, even naked on the cover. She loved cigarettes dangling from models mouths. She loved fur. And she loved curves. She used unskinny models Crystal Renn and Lara Stone, and did a cover with the blonde, mainstream-looking model Carolyn Murphy prancing around with Andre J, a black transgender model in a dress and a beard. Would Anna Wintour ever allow such a thing? asked the American website Jezebel at the time.

I have brought the current issue of French Vogue with me and we flick through it together. All the models are the exact same skinniness. I do not like this, she says. I like older women. I like bigger girls. I like black women. I did everything first. But people forget, because people forget everything. I feel totally comfortable with everyone. It is my strength, to be open-minded, always.

It does seem to be true she is even interested in my red handbag, which is made of fake leather, cost about 50 from a small animal-friendly brand shes never heard of, and is bursting at the seams because you put too much stuff in it, she says, as if shes my mum.

After too many years spent reading all those books about how to be chic like a Frenchwoman and hating them so much Id feel compelled to go straight out and buy one about how to date like them, too, and then how to raise children who eat like French enfants, I feel I should be expert in how to be an insouciant yet glamorous Parisian except it hasnt worked at all. I am not remotely chic. My love life is so English its practically Chaucerian. My child subsists on potatoes. So I want to ask this most Parisienne of Parisiennes for her secrets can she make me chic? I have this scarf, you see, and every time I tie it in a knot it doesnt look right. I ask her to tie it better on me, but she takes it off me and ties it better on herself by not tying it at all.

Carine Roitfeld wears shirt by Balenciaga; skirt by Tom Ford; shoes by Manolo Blahnik; ankle bracelets by Venyx. Photograph: Patrick Swirc/The Observer

Never a knot, she says. But I learned this from Tom Ford, not France. She shows me that you either wrap it around your neck once with two long ends dangling down either side of your chest, or you fold it so its doubled over and half the length and then thread it through itself a little bit like a tie. Not a knot, you understand.

I ask Roitfeld, when I look at a Parisian woman who doesnt have much makeup on and is in a simple navy sweater and jeans and yet looks stunning, what is she spending her money on. What has she paid for that I cant see? Is it a dermatologist? Roitfeld nods I have hit the nail on the head.

To be beautiful costs so much money, she agrees. For something you dont see. She favours the aesthetician Herv Herau for her own skin treatments, which she suggests are just a bit of cream, really. She is not keen on younger women getting Botox at all, while she thinks older women often overdo it. I dont want to name names but there are some who cant move their faces any more. Like Cher. Roitfeld also says that French style is quite conservative, so the chicness comes from a certain coolness in attitude, a lack of overt polishedness, as well as the cut of the trenchcoat, the quality of the shoe. But she insists she prefers English style because we are not good at fantasy, French people. In New York you see all this crazy nail art and I love that, too, but we French are more quiet, discreet.

But how, how do I become chic? There must be a way. She looks at me sympathetically. Chic, replies Carine Roitfeld, is innate.


In the years after leaving Vogue in 2011, her son Vladimir worked on convincing her that her name was valuable and that rather than keep only working for other brands she could become one herself. She was surprised, but she trusted him, and gradually they went into business together, launching her bi-annual magazine CR Fashion Book, her creative talent agency CR Studio, and now her Carine Roitfeld Parfums, for which she has created her 7 Lovers range, sold exclusively at Net-a-Porter, each perfume is named after a different fantasy lover from her imagination. So there is the English lover, called George, like our royal prince, Yes, like him, your future queen, she says, suggesting either a language barrier or that she knows something I dont about Prince Williams son.

George the perfume started off quite green, so she added a shot of cannabis and a shot of espresso to the mix, as you do. Then theres Sebastian, who comes from Buenos Aires and is as dark and troublesome as the tango, and smells spicy and woody and is a very selfish lover, the fight between life and death is what I want for him, hes very proud of himself. So hes the one you shouldnt marry, I suggest. Oh maybe you should, she replies, quite seriously. My Englishness floats around me like virginity.

My kids are well brought up because I was so tough with them: Julia Roitfeld and Carine Roitfeld at the Celine show, Paris Fashion Week 2019. Photograph: David M Benett/Getty Images

Her daughter, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, has also been involved, having taken a nude photo of her mother a couple of years ago that they decided to use for her marketing, after checking with Vladimir. If he say I can do it, I can do it. She says the French arent hung up on nudity like we are, although when her own Russian father would parade naked around their French apartment during her childhood, the neighbours did sometimes call the police, because they didnt like to see it in front of their windows. But he didnt care.

Vladimir also encouraged her to put a Muslim model in a hijab on the cover of her own magazine. The model was Halima Aden, a Somali who was born in a refugee camp in Kenya before moving to America as a child, becoming her American schools homecoming queen and entering Miss Minnesota. Roitfeld saw those photographs, used her on the cover and Aden now has a high-profile modelling career, having now appeared on the cover of British Vogue, too.

When Im thinking about something he say yes you can do this no you can not do this. He gives a balance to me, which I need, because Im a bit fearless, I can go too far. When I put this girl with the Muslim scarf I was not sure because no one did it before. But he say, I think its you, do it. Even if some people kill you, its you, do it. You open minds. At this point I realise this went beyond a cultural or fashion decision she genuinely thought she might get murdered. And they do kill me, but its OK.

Wait, Carine, nobody killed you, youre still here. You mean you were criticised?

Yes, but a lot. Its different in different countries. When youre doing something new, its normal to have critics. Every time I did a new thing I get criticised, but funnily I do a new thing because its my way of thinking, my way of loving people. Im very open-minded. This girl was so beautiful, and she wore her scarf, and there are a lot of girls in scarves in fashion now youre not going to put them away from fashion, theyre too big now.

I mention how multicultural British Vogue has become under its new editor Edward Enninful. Its been a huge shift. Yes, good! But he took my girl! He take my model! Halima become a huge voice now and great for her. I find other ones. Its part of the world today.

On the one hand, CR is from a world of French chic that is, to me, impenetrable. On the other, she is really very funny and tells me that she likes makeup best when you only take half of it off at night so youve got black smudged around your eyes the next day, and this is why people think French women are dirty, and that she doesnt follow the supermodel maxim about obsessively moisturising on aeroplanes, because Im always too cold, I just put my big sunglasses on when I land. Her high-powered morning health routine is composed of the two major nutrients, espresso and cigarettes, and she doesnt like seeing women doing their makeup in their cars, on their way to work. Because its vulgar? Because its dangerous!

Tom Fold told me: Oh, you do not have a good angle Carine: Ford and Roitfeld at CFDA Fashion Awards, New York, June 2019. Photograph: Stephen Lovekin/Rex/Shutterstock

As for her own relationship with the mirror, Im lucky because Im rather blind now so I dont see myself very well, its much better. Although I have to do my makeup in one of those amplified mirrors. Horrifying. She did ask Tom Ford to show her how to take a good selfie, help her find her angle, but he say to me: Oh, you do not have a good angle Carine. I say: Thank you Tom, that is nice of you. He say: No no it is better that someone else takes your picture. I say: OK, nice, stop. Do not say that. So I do not take selfies.

She misses Karl Lagerfeld. I really lost someone very important for me. My father died 20 years ago and Karl was not a new father for me, but a protector. Since he died in February, she has taken on the role of style adviser at his namesake brand.

I ask if he used to phone her a lot, but no, he would just text her photos of his cat, Choupette. He was the king of sending big bunches of flowers and handwritten letters. No one else does it like this. We meet just before French Mothers Day, and she has been thinking about this, the first one since his death. I know I will not get my flowers from him with the card saying you are a great stylist and a great mum. Mothers Day is different date in each country, how could he even know it was Mothers Day?

She has become so tender at this bittersweet memory that I wonder, almost dreamily, what sort of mum she was.

I was very tough with them. Screaming at them. Brush your teeth, go now to school, go and clean the car if you get a bad mark at school, make your bed, clean the kitchen even if the maid is coming. Say thank you to the taxi driver, say thank you to the waiter in the restaurant. My kids are well brought up because I was so tough with them. But I was very dedicated to them, too. Every Saturday she would take Vladimir to play football; Julia every Sunday to ride horses. She sent them to a bilingual school in Paris so they learned perfect English and now they both live in New York. She feels confident her parenting was a success, because, as adults, They are very polite, theyre working and theyre not taking drugs. And my daughter would never leave her apartment without making her bed.

So how does it feel to be the most glamorous grandma in the world, now that Julia has a daughter, Romy?

Chic is innate: Carine Roitfeld and Naomi Campbell during Paris Fashion Week, February 2019. Photograph: Victor Boyko/Getty Images

Oh, but on Instagram I see a lot of glamorous grandmothers. Andrea Dellal, who lives in Rio and used to be a model. She is very glamorous and she has seven grandchildren. Very funny and laughing all the time, which is what I love, and she has good bones. And she has this, which I dont have, she says, pointing at her lack of cleavage. But grandmothers now are not like before. My own grandmother seemed so old with her white hair. I dye mine.

You wouldnt ever let it all out and go fully grey yourself?

Never say never but certainly not.

She says its only younger people who could think the problem with ageing is wrinkles anyway, and that once you get old, you realise that the real trouble is your back, and your eyes going. Roitfeld tells me that six years ago, she had a bad fall, leading to seven operations on her back.

I have very fragile bones. I got the ears of my dad and the backbones of my mum.

I ask if she is in pain at all times, and for the first time she pauses before answering. I sense she doesnt feel able to admit it, or to complain. I have some good drugs, she says, slightly quietly. She then insists that she has to keep wearing heels because flat shoes are, according to her, not good for your back, at which point I realise that chicness is not so much innate as incurable.

Even if shes not leaving the house, there are three things Carine Roitfeld never fails to apply every morning: A bit of cream, a bit of black, a bit of perfume. And there we have it: my new mantra.

That night, I try her trick of leaving on my eyeliner and mascara and the next morning, oh my goodness, the transformation has actually worked. All right, so its my transformation into a panda rather than a Parisian, but still. The 8th arrondissement wasnt built in a day.

Net-a-Porter debuts Carine Roitfeld Parfums, the French editors first fragrance collection, as exclusive retail partner

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Heres What a $52 Million Ticket to the ISS Will Get You

So you have $52 million burning a hole in your pocket and just can’t decide what to do with it. Buy a private island? Too cliché. A new McLaren? You have enough of those. Pay off college administrators? Your kids have already graduated. But have you considered a stay at the International Space Station, the world’s premiere space hotel?

This is the proposal put forth last week by billionaire hotelier Robert Bigelow, whose company, Bigelow Space Operations, says it will send up to 16 private astronauts to the ISS in the coming years. Bigelow says $52 million will buy you a seat on a SpaceX rocket and a one- to two-month stay in orbit. This depends, of course, on SpaceX getting its commercial crew operations off the ground, which it expects to do by 2020. There aren’t many further details about Bigelow’s plans, but since 2018 he’s put down “substantial sums” to reserve four future SpaceX flights specifically for orbital tourism. (Bigelow has also promised space hotels by 2021, a timeline that is optimistic at best.)

A trip to space is definitely a luxury, but life in orbit? Anything but. In fact, when NASA astronaut Peggy Whitson, who has spent more time in space than any other American, returned from her last trip to the ISS and was asked to describe her experience, she said, “I would call it a camping trip.” Camping … in space? If that sounds like a good time, here’s what the ultra-rich can expect during their stay at the space station.

The ISS is the largest object ever put into space, but by terrestrial standards it’s still pretty cramped. The station has a pressurized volume of only 32,333 cubic feet, which is about the same as a Boeing 747. But only a third of that is habitable. Unlike a private jet, this space will be shared 24/7 by up to 10 people—six government astronauts and four private astronauts. Sounds like a recipe for cabin fever, but if Scott Kelly could spend a full year on the station, what’s one or two months?

Sleeping accommodations on the ISS are cozy. Each astronaut gets their own sleeping pod, which is just big enough to fit a person and a laptop mounted on the opposite wall. Tourists on the ISS don’t need to worry about bringing a pillow or blanket, either. Pillows are superfluous in space, and their blanket will be a sleeping bag strapped to the wall. Sweet dreams!

The ISS has a kitchen, but if tourists are expecting farm-to-table fare they’ll be very disappointed. An astronaut’s diet involves a lot of rehydrated power foods, but comfort foods like brownies and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are also available. Hopefully the tourists like tortillas, because there will be a lot of them.

Nothing goes better with endless burritos than a little tequila, but the ISS is drier than an AA meeting. NASA tried to get some booze into orbit back in the ’70s, but the negative public reaction over sending sherry to the Skylab space station quickly killed the plan.

As for the bathroom situation, well, its slightly better than digging a latrine on a camping trip, but not by much. To urinate, astronauts pee into a vacuum funnel in a high-tech porta potty. Defecating is pretty much the same, but more perilous. Astronauts need to make sure their excrement hits a roughly dish-sized hole, which suctions it into a plastic bag. This is a good incentive for ISS tourists to make sure they’re eating enough fiber, because if the toilet gets backed up or too full, well, let’s just put it this way: In space, everything floats, and someone’s got to wrangle it.

The ISS isn’t just a poop rodeo, however. During a tourist’s month in space, there will be plenty of time for leisure. They’ll be able to drift around the cupola, taking in a view of Earth that only a few hundred people in history have ever enjoyed. They’ll be able to float through the station catching M&Ms in zero g, pump some iron in the ISS gym, or maybe make a few funny videos to send home to friends. Data will cost $50 per gigabyte, but if you’ve already paid $52 million to get there, what’s a few grand more to tweet from orbit?

This is all a good way to spend a day or two, but how to spend the rest of the month? The astronauts surely have some good stories, but they won’t be around to shoot the breeze. NASA plans their days down to the minute, and most of the time they’ll be doing science experiments or station maintenance. How about a spacewalk? This is, at best, unlikely. The suits used for extravehicular activities are basically personal spacecraft and cost over $10 million each. Aside from that, hanging out in the vacuum of space is dangerous business. Astronauts have nearly drowned and run out of oxygen in their suits, so it’s probably best left to those who have spent their whole careers training for it.

If that still sounds like a good way to spend a month, Bigelow is taking reservations. It’d probably be a good idea to inquire about the refund policy, however. When space tourism on the ISS was first getting started in the early 2000s, only seven tourists managed to catch a ride on a Russian Soyuz rocket before the tourist program was put on hiatus. One would-be Japanese astronaut sued the space tourism company Space Adventures to recoup a $21 million down payment on a flight that never happened due to medical reasons. More recently, nearly 300 people lost the majority of their $100,000 down payment to fly to space with Xcor Aerospace when the company went bankrupt. Caveat emptor!

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30 People Share Their They Didnt Realize I Spoke Their Language Stories And Theyre Hilarious

Your friend and you get lost in a crowd. Abroad, far away from home. You’re different and you can feel it. This feeling grows into a sense of superiority and you and your friend begin talking louder and louder, discussing everyone around you, even making fun of their foreign way of life. You toss in a few fu*king curse words to make it juicier and right then, when you least expect it, a random passer-by responds in your mother-tongue. Damn it! You forgot that the world is smaller than ever with cheap flights and even cheaper rooms covering most of it. You try to think of an explanation but you can’t so you just lower your head and burn in shame. But the person who caught you feels victorious, after all, they served justice and that’s worth bragging about. So they do. Bored Panda has compiled some of the best “they didn’t realize I spoke their language” lines that multilingual people have ever posted online.


Most of these stories are a bit negative, here’s a lighter one. My mum’s a linguist and speaks about 15 languages fluently and as such, I picked up a couple along the way. Most of my childhood was spent in Germany so I have a firm grasp of the language…which doesn’t really seem to match my appearance. I’m a 6’3, 220lbs, black man, who speaks German. Now this isn’t too uncommon a sight in Germany, but in North America, I’m a f***ing unicorn. So I was standing at the bus stop one day in the heart of downtown Toronto and there were these two 60-something year old German ladies who were not having a good time. They were trying to find the Art Gallery and were fed up with the fact that they were having such a s**tty time navigating because their english-speaking children had left them alone for the day. I didn’t have anything particularly important planned for that day, so I turned to them and said something to the effect of “You know, our city has a lot to offer if you know where to look. Would you two like me to show you where the Gallery is, and a couple places you can get lunch along the way” They nearly fainted. They were sooooo happy that they found someone who spoke German and couldn’t stop taking pictures with me to show their family ‘the guy that saved their day’. I walked them to the Gallery and gave them a bit of an impromptu walking/bus tour along the way. That was the day I gained two Omas.

Back in 1980, the percentage of bilingual Americans was 10.68% whereas in 2016, the last ACS survey for which we have data, it was 20.14%. Even though this percentage has been steadily increasing, it is still low compared to traditionally multilingual countries (for example, in Switzerland some 42% of the population use two or more languages in everyday life) but pretty similar to that of other countries with a world language as a national one (for example, France with its 20%).


I lived in South Korea for three years, but I never learned too much of the language. A friend of mine is 100% Korean but is very tall and was educated in America and New Zealand so she has an American accent. Her co-teachers at her school all assumed she couldn’t speak Korean so they would talk s**t about her constantly while she would listen on and feel terrible. She said nothing for a whole year until she had to speak at the end of year ceremony. The school offered her someone to translate but she refused and in front of 800 or so students and faculty members she delivered her address in perfect Korean. She subtly called out the coworkers that had spent an entire year calling her a foreign pig. Apparently one started crying from the shame of it. I wish I had got to see that.

The survey’s language data shows Spanish remained the largest non-English language spoken in 2016, as it was spoken at home by 40.5 million people, or 13.3 percent of the population age 5 and older. It was followed by Chinese with nearly 3.4 million speakers at home and Tagalog with 1.7 million speakers at home.

Several studies have revealed that early exposure to various languages boosts the communication skills of individuals, aside from the other established list of benefits of being bilingual. This includes delaying the onset of cognitive deficiencies, development of better working memory and increase in executive control, and so on.


My cousin is a big white guy who studied for 2 years in Japan during college. He worked for one of the head of Honda America for a few years. When the head guy learned that he spoke Japanese, he would make sure my cousin was in all the meetings and phone conferences with the Japanese branch. My cousin would listen to everything the Japanese would be saying to each other and report it to his boss during breaks. As such the boss looked like a psychic to the Japanese because after break he would address their concerns without being prompted. The boss made mad bonuses every quarter and always funneled a bunch of that to my cousin.

While learning a language, people often mentally translate what they are learning in their native language (L1) before they can fully appreciate the other language (L2). But when a person is bilingual and use both languages everyday, they know the language they’re speaking in “automatically” and they rarely need to translate L2 to L1 in their head.

Being bilingual provides different perspectives to the person. They become more open minded as well as more accepting of other cultures. Aside from gaining more opportunities to find a job, bilingualism offers them higher social mobility. Some studies have shown that they also might be more confident in communicating with other people.


I once interviewed for a part-time school holiday job, together with a good friend of mine. My friend is Chinese, the majority race of the country I live in. I, however, am quite clearly not.
The first thing the HR manager says when he sees me is “We need someone who speaks Mandarin”, a criterion not stated anywhere in the employment ad, and which subtly translates to “Chinese candidates preferred”.
My friend, while ethnically Chinese, speaks little to no Mandarin. I, on the other hand, speak it rather fluently.
Probably as a test, the HR manager decides to field us questions in Mandarin, clearly intent on cutting me out of the interview.
My friend turns pale, as he stumbles along to answer the question posed in whatever halting Mandarin he can scrape together.
The manager then turns to me, rather arrogantly, waiting for my reply.
It gave me great joy to tell him straight to his face “Thank you for the opportunity, but clearly I am not the right candidate you are looking for to fill this position since I am not Chinese” in crisp fluent Mandarin.
The look of bewilderment of his face was priceless.


I’m American, but can read and speak Russian on an intermediate level. A few years ago while visiting St. Petersburg, I was buying tickets for the hydrofoil to Peterhof. All the signs at the ticket booth were in Russian, and I could read the ticket prices. The ticket agent assumed I didn’t know Russian, and tried to tell me the ticket cost three times more than the stated price. I looked her right in the eye and said in Russian, “I see on the board here that the ticket I want is (x) rubles.” Her jaw dropped, and the ticket agent sitting next to her started laughing her ass off.


I recently went to Japan for my first ever international trip and was totally prepared to have to struggle through all my day-to-day interactions in Japanese but was surprised at how widespread even a basic understanding of English is over there. Everyone assumes you won’t speak any Japanese at all so they stick to as much English as they’re comfortable with or you basically just play charades.
At a restaurant in Kobe, the waitress was practically fluent in English so we chatted a while and it came up that I’m studying Japanese so we had a little small talk and she was impressed. Then the owner came over to talk but wasn’t as confident in his English so he had the waitress translate. He was asking all these questions about where we’d been so far, where we were staying, how we liked everything, if we’d been down to Kobe Port yet, etc. It was simple enough that I understood 100% without her translation, and the waitress could tell. Finally, she says to him, in Japanese “By the way, he understands what you’re saying.” His eyes practically bugged out of his head and he got SUPER excited and asked if we wouldn’t mind waiting 30 minutes for him to close up and send everyone home.
So, I wait, he closes everything up and we all end up hanging out that night. He drove us around the city, bought us drinks, even drove back to the AirBNB. Japan is amazing.


American expat in Thailand.
I have a beard. On many occasions, people will say something like “Monkey! Monkey!” or “You want a banana?” or other similar comments. Most times, I just ignore it as I don’t want people to know I speak some Thai. Once, after an excessive amount of monkey comments, I smiled at the people (two young girls, about 14 or so) and said “Monkeys don’t have blue eyes. Monkeys have black eyes, just like you two.” They were speechless.


Said something like “You need to be careful when talking s**t about someone in your native language, there might always be someone who understands you” in German while I was in Italy. A woman who was walking by responded “Like me for example”.


Flemish guy here. Working as safari guide in Kruger area, South Africa.
One time, my boss asks me to go pick a family of 4 up at the Klaserie reserve gate, do an afternoon game drive with them, and drop them off again afterwards. This was very uncommon; normally we only do game drives with people that book a room in our own lodge on the reserve.
So I pick them up, introduce myself and go over the rules, all in English. They reply in English, or at least: the dad does, and normally I can pick up straight away if it’s someone from France, Belgium, Holland or Germany. But his English was Oxford English. So I thought; English people. Off we went!
10 minutes into the game drive I hear them speak in Flemish, and not only that, IN MY OWN DIALECT. Side note; every Flemish town has a dialect, we can hear what region/province other Flemish people are from, and if from the same region, we can often even pinpoint the exact little town or community they are from.
Oooh I was going to have fun with these folks! Found a few nice animal sightings, spoke English all the time, but then one sentence to the next, switched to their exact dialect. I thought; now they’re going to be surprised! But nope… we all kept chatting in Flemish now. Only 20 minutes later, the daughter, maybe 10 years old, goes “wait a minute; he speaks Flemish!”
After all had a good laugh, I asked them where they were from. They literally lived one street away from me. It’s a small world, folks!


Im swiss and peruvian and live in peru, so i don’t look at all like a swiss guy.
There were two swiss girls sitting behind me on a bus talking about latino guys. Then one of them asked the other if she found me attractive. I turned around and said that I would love to know that too. The look of confusion and shame was priceless. Then we just all laughed. Now I’ve got two new friends!


I was in an elevator going back up to my apartment after working out some two years ago and I had a man bun at that time. There were 6 other guys in the elevator speaking Arabic so I just listened as I usually do. Then, one of the guys goes, “Haha. Look at this guys hair. It’s ridiculous.”
I turn around and respond, “You want to say that again?”
The five other dudes proceed to die of laughter with one of them screaming, “I knew you were Arab! I knew you were Arab!”
I ended up laughing along side them to their one friend who felt super awkward.


This happened to my brother and father while they were traveling. Some dude walks up to my brother, thinking he is a local, and starts talking to him in Farsi. When he realized my brother didn’t understand, started saying really rude things, about him and my dad being stupid. My dad (fluent in Farsi) comes over, and rips this assh*le a second one. The dude feigned being apologetic, and made excuses for his attitude. As he was walking away, he started muttering more foul things about them, but in Turkish this time. Dad speaks Turkish as well, and proceeds to rip him a third assh*le.


My uncle has a good one. My family are originally from India/Pakistan and speak Urdu, but my mom’s family moved to rural Arkansas in the late 70s. It was a really small town, like never seen brown people small, but they ended up living there for over 20 years.
Anyway, when my uncle was in high school, they had a math teacher from Japan. One day the teacher was berating my uncle for something (in English of course) and my uncle got mad and cursed him out in Urdu. The teacher replied very calmly, in Urdu: “don’t ever use that sort of language in my class again, understand?” Pretty sure my uncle’s jaw hit the floor. He didn’t expect a Japanese guy living in a small town in Arkansas to speak Urdu.


Me and my friend were sharing a cab with two girls we didn’t know. Just decided to share a taxi with them, because it was a long way and we wanted to save some money. They started speaking Swedish not knowing my friend is also Finnish Swede (her mother language is Swedish, she has been in Swedish school, but is Finn and speaks Finnish fluently). I understand Swedish but I was too drunk to care. Suddenly she texts me: “They are planning to leave us with the bill.” I texted that we should tell the driver so my friend just said: “These girls will pay half of this, before they leave.” He got the hint and didn’t open the doors before they paid. Also another time I was in an airport with my aunt. She had broken her leg so she was in a wheel chair, but because we were going to a beach holiday, we decided not to cancel it. Now my aunt has lived in Germany and speaks it fluently, I’ve lived there too so I understand it well, but I’m not fluent. We speak Finnish, something just to pass the time when flight attendant asks us to go on the plain first. This middle aged man turns to her wife and says in German: “I don’t think disabled people should be allowed on planes.” My aunt, who is a true badass, asks me to stop, I was pushing her wheelchair, turns to the man and says in perfect German: “I’m sorry sir, but I broke my leg and didn’t want to cancel my holiday plans. You are being incredibly offensive towards handicapped people and I feel sorry for your wife. Have a nice flight.” He turned red, couldn’t even say anything to us and just looked away. His wife looked mortified.


When I started working at McDonald’s at 16, none of the other employees realized I could speak a fair amount of Spanish. A few of my coworkers would talk crap about me in Spanish and I pretended for a few weeks that I didn’t know what they were saying.
Then one day a manager told me she was worth me than me because she was bilingual. So I told her (in Spanish) that I was actually trilingual. The looks on their faces when they realized I spoke Spanish all along was priceless.


My friend and I both come from Spanish speaking families, and we would speak in Spanish when we didn’t want people to know what we were talking about. One time we were in my kitchen with my mom and my idiot friend started asking me in Spanish if I wanted to go outside and smoke weed.

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Some guys on the subway started talking about their 백마타는꿈 (Dream of Riding the White Horse aka fantasy about f***ing a white girl) right next to me (mixed Korean/American but totally white looking). I waited until I was about to exit, then tapped their shoulder and suggested a few clubs for them to go to and try out next time. Told them they better be good at English though because everyone knows, white girls can’t speak Korean. I might have heard an old man laugh behind me as I exited the train.


I went to a psychiatric emergency ward once and asked for help and if they were comfortable to speak English.
I understand Danish but have a hard time making myself understandable in it and didn’t really feel like an idiot at a crucial time of my life.
I stayed there for 4 days without anyone realising I knew what they were saying about me right in front of me.
2 of the nurses thought I was cute.
1 doctor thought I was lying all the time.
A patient thought I was a spy for the staff.
A lot happened in those 4 days
It made my stay way more enjoyable then it should have been.


I’m from the US and when I was 11 my family went to France for a couple weeks. My dad was a very smart man. He graduated college when he was 18 and had a love for languages. He was fluent in French, Spanish, and German and he lived in France for a year or two. He came back to the US and taught French for a few years before getting his JD and PharmD, He was constantly trying to teach us French whenever he could when we were little. He kept in touch with his French professor from college and when we were in France we stayed with them in St. Hilaire de Riez. They had a small party with some of their friends and everyone sat around talking and drinking wine. As much as he tried to teach us French, we could only do as much as ordering food and reading restaurant menus and such, so everyone was talking in English except for one man’s wife that was there and didn’t speak English. The hosts were translating most things for her. At one point, the man says something in French like “Americans don’t value things like learning foreign languages.” Not knowing my dad spoke French. My dad looks at him and in French replies something along the lines of “You’re right, lots of Americans aren’t introduced to foreign languages until they are older and already out of the prime time of their life to start learning.” And that this was why he started teaching his kids French as early as possible and even why he brought his kids to France, hoping that we’d gain an appreciation for another language and culture. I didn’t know what the guy had said or what my dad had said until after we left, but I remember the look on the guys face and how he was clearly apologizing repeatedly. The host laughed too and explained my dads history with French and his education. To say the man was embarrassed would be an understatement. Friday will be 13 years since my dad passed away at 55 years old. He was such an awesome person and loved by everyone he met. He would never take offense to something even like that guy. He was from a tiny southern town in the middle of nowhere and grew up with nothing and worked his ass off to get where he was in life. Cancer is a b**ch:(


Oh I LOVE this one: So I was working at a dental clinic in Germany, and these 2 guys walk in and start speaking in arabic, not knowing that both I and my supervisor can understand it. The first guy (actual patient) is nervously telling his friend and this would never work, and his friend is telling him to shut up and play along, so the supervisor and I try to figure out what kinda game they’re trying to play. Apparently, they were trying to lie about the patient’s age to get his dental treatment done for free; (I dont know how that worked, I was just an intern) unlucky for him, his teeth told the truth (you cant fake being 16 when your wisdom teeth are ALL THE WAY out)
So me and my supervisor shut up about it, and I’m in actual pain trying to hold back from laughing as the friend is convincing the patient that we’re idiots who dont speak arabic and cant understand their trick. Of course until i cant anymore and decide to discuss the case with my supervisor. Right there in front of them. In arabic.
I have never seen someone turn so many different colours so fast.


Famous story by my grandfather who spoke Arabic and French.
He was in Kuwait with his wife and 20 dollars to his name, applying for a job with a big hotel company I believe the Marriott. He interviews all in Arabic and he waits in the lobby to talk to the final guy for the job. Two of his previous interviewers walk past him and say in French “what’s he still doing here he didn’t get the job?” My grandfather then stands up and says “if I didn’t get the job why did you have me sit and wait here for no reason?” They look back at him and say “you speak French? You are hired”. One of my favorites!


While I’m Spanish, I don’t quite look like the stereotypical Spaniard: light skin colour, blondeish, green eyes… When I was living in London I got into several situations like that. The top one was on the tube back home. I think there was a football game (Chelsea – Barcelona) and this couple was going to the stadium and I was standing just besides them. Tube had a hard stop and I accidentally fell a bit over one of them. I apologised in English as I didn’t realise they were Spaniards too. They started talking to each other saying “this f***ing fat c**t nearly smashed in the ground” and things of the sort for almost 5 minutes. When they left the tube and he looked at me one last time laughing I told him in perfect Spanish “enjoy the game, you little piece of s**t”. His face going pale as the doors were closing was enough satisfaction for a week.


We had a large family reunion dinner at a restaurant and we were all sharing stories. My funny Uncle was telling us how he used to pretend he was deaf and his sister would translate. To prove it, he asked the waitress to get the manager. When he came over, my Uncle started signing to him…with made up and exaggerated gestures. My Aunt told him that the food was good and the server was excellent…all the while the manager just smiled and nodded. When they were done “talking”, the manager said in sign language, he spoke ASL and knew it was BS. We blew up laughing and my Uncles face turned beet red.


The people at the Chinese food place on my campus spoke Chinese to the door exchange students. But even tho I spoke Chinese I just always spoke English to them since I have an accent when I speak Chinese. But one day I got all meat no rice since I had a rice maker at home. And when I was paying the lady says to the person beside her “fat ass wants meat no rice”. And I responded in Chinese, “actually I have rice at home”. They didn’t charge me for the order and started giving me a bit extra whenever I go there


I’m half Chinese, quarter English, quarter Irish, and was born and raised in London – I don’t look particularly British (or indeed Chinese), but I definitely look “foreign”. In the wake of Brexit, I happened to be on the phone to my mother (Chinese) while on the train commuting into work, so I was speaking Mandarin. While on the phone to her, I overheard some little prick grumbling about “the f***ing Chinese in this country, Brexit borders immigrants Muslims Polish builders taking our jobs stealing our benefits rarararararagrgghhhh” or whatever – but the word chink came into it a couple times, too. Clearly this man had been emboldened by the vote to leave the EU and felt justified in airing his racism, feeling there were lots of like-minded others. English very much being my first language, I turned to him and just said, “you f***ing what mate?” in my clearly-from-south-London accent. At this point he immediately started to backpedal, and said I was “alright” because I was “one of us”, whatever the f**k that meant. So I got called out for being a foreigner in my own country, which is both amusing and sad.

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While sitting in a Starbucks in Brooklyn (not the trendy part of Brooklyn) a couple sitting next to me started saying pretty racist antisemitic comments ( i wear a yarmulke) in swiss german with a distinct lucerne region accent. The looks on their faces when I greeted them in the Lucerne dialect definitely made hearing their abuse so worth it 🙂


My family and I went to Sri Lanka for two weeks to see where my mom grew up and general beach stuff. For some reason we were like the only people in the hotel we were staying at aside from a wedding party that left a day after we got there.
A few days in there was another family staying there, I believe from Suriname and we were all chilling at the pool and decided to play a game of water polo against each other. Things got exciting and one of the daughters yelled out something in Dutch like “go for the big fat guy!”, my Dutch dad replied “what big fat guy?”, And everybody laughed.
Just a simple story but it was pretty sweet.


I was in Paris and overheard these two women mocking me for being a “fat American pig.” I turned to them & smiled sweetly & said ” je parle français vous chattes” (i speak french you c***s). That shut them up.

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You Could Win A $5,000 Shopping Spree With These Zulily Sweepstakes

Zulily’s Thrill Fest 2019 Sweepstakes Could Win You A $5,000 Shopping Spree

Let’s be real: Black Friday is probably the last thing you’re thinking about in the middle of patio season, but that doesn’t mean you can’t score some sweet deals on your summer shopping. Whether you’re in the market for a wardrobe update or you want to freshen up your kitchen or home decor, you’ll want to check out Zulily’s Thrill Fest 2019 Sweepstakes for a chance to score all this and more without spending a dime. In addition to enjoying the three-day event’s rock bottom sales, you could potentially win a $5,000 shopping spree for the entire site. Here’s how to cast your name in the ring.

Through Thursday, June 20, Zulily is offering a three-day sale, which began on June 18, on what is touted as its “lowest prices ever on a plethora of products,” according to press materials. If you’re unfamiliar with Zulily, it’s basically a one-stop-shop featuring anything that you could be in the market for, with categories like kitchen supplies, kids’ gear and toys, women’s and men’s clothing, and home decor up for grabs.

While the retailer is no stranger to offering online sales, which typically last 72 hours and include a lot of great limited-time deals on specific, Zulily’s second annual Thrill Fest is taking the typical semi-annual sale up a notch with its biggest discounts to date, according to press materials. The good news? You don’t have to wait until turkey season to score better-than-Black-Friday prices, which include some items for only 99 cents. That’s something I can definitely get on board with.

While you can scroll through the offerings with the knowledge that your purchases probably won’t put a strain on your bank account, nothing beats a free shopping spree — and luckily, Zulily has got one lucky shopper’s back with no purchase necessary. If you have the Zulily app, you can sign in and simply “favorite” a brand by tapping the heart icon, and you’ll automatically be in the running to win some cool prizes, like a Cuisinart Espresso machine that’s currently retailing for $1,850 or a $1,299 Apple MacBook Pro. You also have a chance at winning a $5,000 shopping spree. To enter, all you have to do is to create a Zulily account, install it on one of your iOS or Android devices, and make sure to favorite brands by June 20 at 11:59 p.m. PT.


If you win, you’ll be notified the next day. There are two entry periods left: one ending June 19 at 11:59 p.m. PT and one ending June 20 at 11:59 p.m. PT.

To start shopping, I’d recommend downloading the Zulily app, so you can take full advantage of limited-time offers such as up to 60% off kitchen supplies and up to 70% off home items. Meanwhile, women’s clothes and shoes are up to 78% off.

In a press release, Kevin Saliba, SVP of Marketing at Zulily, said:

For us, shopping is all about forging connections and relationships with our customers, infusing fun value into their lives. Zulily Thrill Fest is our biggest sale of the year, delivering extreme value – the best deals in retail – through an entertaining shopping experience. We are celebrating our customers by providing them amazing offers from brands like KitchenAid, Crayola, NYDJ, Ergobaby, Laura Geller, The Sak, Burt’s Bees, Perricone MD, Muk Luks and more.

Again, these deals and the sweepstakes are only going on through Thursday, June 20, so I’d make sure to look through and draw up a wish list sooner rather than later.

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Reports reveal egregious conditions in US migrant detention facilities

Child migrants could lose access to recreational activities, while conditions at adult facilities pose health and safety risks

As the number of Central American families and children approaching the US-Mexico border continues its dramatic rise, the US is failing to provide adequate care to those already in detention.

Reports this week from the US Department of Homeland Security watchdog, the Office of Inspector General (OIG), and leaked documents, have revealed distressing conditions for migrants in the custody of US immigration agencies.

Child migrants could soon lose access to recreational activities and English lessons, while conditions at adult detention facilities were found to pose immediate risks to immigrant health and safety.

These damning reports came the same week the US announced that the border patrol arrested an unprecedented number of families at the border in May. Though the number of families attempting to enter the US has spiked, the overall total of attempted border crossings is below the records hit in the early 2000s when most people entering were adult males from Mexico.

In May, Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agents apprehended 132,887 people at the southern border and 11,391 people arrived at ports of entry but did not have the documents required to enter the US. They are mostly Central Americans fleeing poverty, violence and the climate crisis.

We are bursting at the seams, said Randy Howe, CBPs executive director of operations. This cant continue.

Citing budget pressures because of the influxof children at the border, the health department agency that cares for children who arrive at the border on their own, the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR), has started to end funding for activities such as soccer and English classes for children in its custody. Children can spend months in ORR shelters, including tent cities.

A health department official emailed shelters last week explaining the funding for those programs was unallowable, according to an email obtained by the Washington Post.

Denise Bell, researcher for refugee and migrant rights at Amnesty International USA, said the move was unconscionable.

Locking up children and then denying them legal aid, education, and even playtime is all part of this administrations cruel efforts to dehumanize people who have come to the US seeking safety, Bell said in a statement. Childrens human rights must be protected by ensuring they receive proper care while in government custody and are released as soon as possible.

The homeland security and health departments were also under pressure this week because of an alarming NBC report that revealed the government had kept immigrant children in a van for 39 hours while waiting to reunite them with their parents.

In July last year, 37 migrant children aged between five and 12 years old were held for two nights in the van after a federal judge ordered the Trump administration to reunite families it had separated at the border, according to the report.

The Republican leader of the House energy and commerce committee, Oregon representative Greg Walden, said the reports findings were unacceptable and indefensible.

This is not who we are as Americans, Walden said in a statement. I expect a prompt explanation from the Departments of Homeland Security and Health and Human Services about this failure.

As advocates for migrant children raised concerns about these reports, the DHS inspector general released a report showing egregious conditions in four adult detention facilities across the US, including nooses found in detainee cells.

In 2018, immediate health and safety risks were observed at two of the facilities, Adelanto Ice Processing Center, referring to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (Ice), in California, and Essex County Correctional Facility, in New Jersey. At Essex, inspectors found open packages of raw chicken that had leaked blood over refrigeration units the kitchen manager was replaced during the inspection. At Adelanto, chicken smelled foul and appeared to be spoiled. At both locations, inspectors found bathrooms in poor condition with unusable toilets and mold on ceilings, mirrors and vents.

Three of the facilities were owned and operated by the private prison firm GEO Group: Adelanto in California, LaSalle Ice Processing Center in Louisiana and Aurora Ice Processing Center in Colorado. The fourth facility, Essex, was operated by the local corrections department. Together, they house nearly 5,000 detainees.

Our observations confirmed concerns identified in detainee grievances, which indicated unsafe and unhealthy conditions to varying degrees at all of the facilities we visited, the inspector said.

Other problems inspectors observed included the Essex facility providing detainees with clothing only in extra large sizes, 3x and 4x, which detainees said they could not keep on. And three of the facilities were found to be violating homeland security department standards by inappropriately using handcuffs and strip searches without documenting a justification for doing so.

And in a separate inspector general report last week, officials found dangerous overcrowding at a border patrol processing facility in El Paso, Texas.

In May, inspectors found the processing center, which has a capacity of 125 people, held between 750 and 900 people. A cell meant to hold 12 people held 76 people and another with capacity for 35 held 155, according to the report.

Donald Trump has not directly addressed the problems uncovered in US detention facilities.

On Wednesday night, the president blamed Democrats and Mexico for the influx of immigrants at the border. His immigration policies have so far failed to reduce the number of people making the dangerous journey north.

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Large parts of London without water

Image copyright Tanya O’Connell
Image caption Tanya O’Connell said the lack of water delayed her taking medication while she recovered at home from an operation

Schools have been closed and hospital appointments cancelled due to a burst pipe that has left 100,000 properties in London with little or no water.

Thames Water said the fault at its works in Hampton had caused problems in the west and south-west areas.

It said it was working “flat out to get water flowing” and was in the process of setting up bottled water collection points.

The TW, KT and W postcodes have been affected.

Image copyright @CabbagePatchPub
Image caption People were spotted stocking up on large amounts of bottled water in Twickenham

Thirty schools and two children’s centres in Richmond and Hounslow have been closed, including Trafalgar Junior School in Twickenham, which has been left without flushing toilets and washing facilities in the kitchen.

Surrey County Council also confirmed six schools had closed in Sunbury-on-Thames because of the issue.

Hounslow and Richmond Community Healthcare NHS Trust said all planned clinics and sessions at Teddington Memorial Hospital and Teddington Health and Social Care Centre were cancelled.

The evening fixture at Kempton Park Racecourse in Surrey has also been abandoned and, according to the Local Democracy Reporting Service, Chiswick Library and King Street in Hounslow are shut.

Ealing, Hounslow, Shepherds Bush and Hammersmith and Fulham have all been affected.

Image copyright @MarcusGarvey76
Image caption Shelves have been emptied of bottled water in some supermarkets

Thames Water said: “We’re working flat out to get water flowing out of our treatment works again, where a large pipe burst this morning.

“We’re pumping water into our pipe network from other areas to get supplies back to normal for as many of our customers as we can and are looking at providing bottled water for those who will be affected for longer.

“We fully appreciate how disruptive having no water is, especially for schools, and we’re really sorry that we’ve not been able to provide the service our customers expect of us today.”

It added it would put the locations of bottled water collection points on its website and social media “once they’re up and running”.

Image copyright Chelsea Willis
Image caption Chelsea Willis was unable to bathe her daughter, who has eczema

Mayor of London Sadiq Khan said it was “unacceptable” that so many people had been left without water “for several hours with little or no information on when supplies will be restored”.

He said he expected Thames Water to compensate all those affected.

Chelsea Willis, from Teddington in south-west London, said the lack of water had prevented her from feeding and bathing her six-month-old daughter Rhivér.

“My daughter has eczema so I have to bath her once a day,” the 29-year-old said.

“I called my housing association, who said they couldn’t help for 12 hours, but somebody there said they couldn’t let me go without and personally ordered three bottles of water and got it delivered to me.”

Tanya O’Connell, who lives in Twickenham, said the problem delayed her taking medication while she recovered at home following an operation last week.

The 37-year-old bank manager said her surgeon told her to take soluble pain relief, which she was meant to take at 08:00.

She said Thames Water “promised they would send someone with emergency stuff” but she had to eventually send her mother to the shop to buy water.

“It was difficult for her, she’s in her 60s with a bad leg… taking litres of water up the stairs,” Ms O’Connell said.

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20 People Describe The Creepiest Thing They Ever Encountered In Real Life


I used to work in low income home weatherization, basically giving free shit away to help lower electricity and gas bills and make the home more comfortable to people who really needed it; installing doors and insulation and so forth.

One step in qualifying a home is testing combustion appliances to make sure they’re not emitting carbon monoxide into the living space, because if they are and we seal up the house we could kill the whole family.

During a pre-inspection of a home on the outskirts of the city, I ask to see the owner’s water heater. He tells me that it’s in the basement, which is fairly normal, and I tell him I have to inspect it before work can start. So, he goes into the kitchen and starts moving the refrigerator. Turns out the entry into the basement is underneath carpeting beneath the fridge. I should note that I went and did thousands of homes over the years, and had never seen such a thing.

But, whatever, needs to be done regardless and so I pull out my flashlight and shine it down the stairs, to check out the layout but really to look for black widow spiders because fuck black widows. At this point I notice a dead cat, mostly down to a skeleton. Not my favorite sight but really common in crawlspaces and basements. I take a few steps down the stairs and continue my spider check, and notice another couple of small animal skeletons.

At this point I start to worry about gas, or poisons, or something equally dangerous, and start looking closer. There are animal skeletons everywhere, at least ten on a cursory look. Some of them are so degraded I can’t determine what they used to be. I also happen to notice that this guy is waiting at the entrance a little too quietly, with his hand on the door.

Something clicks in my brain and I get this immense sense of danger. I’m about four steps from the door being clear to close, I have no partner on the job with me, there’s death all around me, and I realize just how hidden the entrance to the basement really was.

I noped the fuck out, told the guy I needed extra tools and would be back, and marked the job as non-feasible for health and safety as I was driving away. I have no idea if I was actually in any danger, it could have been completely innocent; but I still remember the adrenaline rush and sense of doom, and sometimes you just don’t take chances.


My dad and I were walking through the woods when we came across a young moose leg lying on the ground. It looked like it had been violently torn off with no sign of the rest of the moose anywhere. It was fresh with blood still on the wound probably no more than a couple hours old.

My dad is a pretty skilled hunter so he handed me his axe that he was carrying and told me to watch for wolves while he started looking for tracks. After a little bit he came back saying

“That’s weird, normally if it was wolves you’d be able to find paw prints but I can’t see any. Also no bear prints so I have no idea what killed this.”

And so I’m like you didn’t find any tracks at all?

And his very reassuring response was “Well I did find what appears to be the mama moose tracks headed this way” showing me the tracks “you can see how her stride is a lot longer here, whatever killed her baby she didn’t want to fight it she just took off running”

He then pulls out his bear spray and holds it at the ready as we kept walking deeper into the woods with the un-named non-track leaving predator armed with bear spray and an axe.


I’d been at football training with a few of my cousins when I was about 10 years old.

We decided to take a walk before our parents picked us up, so we went along the canal towpath. My cousin looked down in the canal and say a really nice jacket floating along and being a weird scavenger person decided to reach in to fish it out.

Well, the jacket turned over. And so did the man wearing it. He also had no face left.

Not gonna lie, that was rough.


My girlfriend and I were hiking along some abandoned railroad tracks and we get to a small bridge going over a little creek. I’m about to go explore under the bridge when she points something out. I look over and in the woods across from us I see a guy. Im like whatever and keep headed down to the creek area and then the guy stands up and he’s naked. We immediate back track pretty quickly to get away from there and once were like 1 minute down the trail I look back and this naked dude is just standing in the middle of the trail watching us walk away.


I was on a camping trip with some friends of mine and we found like 7 or 8 chipmunks and squirels all in a pile but they were all dead without arms or legs.


When I was about 7 or 8, my parents sent me to a local summer camp that they would pick me up from in the afternoons. I never really liked it because the kids were mean, everything was either broken or not clean, and the counselors obviously didn’t care. I remember the girl’s changing room had a door that lead out to the woods but the doorknob was gone so it was unlocked all the time and you could see into it. This was primarily where the girls changed into their bathing suits and there was usually someone blocking the view while we changed so the boys couldn’t look in. Well, one day I’m changing alone and someone wasn’t blocking the door. I look over and see an eye peeping in through the hole watching me change. I pull the rest of my clothes back on quickly and run out to tell my twin brother. I tell my dad that I don’t want to go back to that camp anymore and he begrudgingly takes us out of the camp pretty soon after because he knew how much we hated it. Years later, the camp has been closed down for many many years and I’m asking my dad about it. He gets really grim and tells me it shut down because a 13 year old boy had raped 7 year old girl in the woods right behind the girl’s bathroom a few weeks after I had told him about someone watching me change.


Found a deer with its hind end ate up, few feet away was a coyote with the hind end ate up, then another few feet away a fox with its hind end ate up. Nothing else was there, no bullet holes or signs of a arrow or anything else. Couldn’t find any tracks from other people or animal. It was pretty creepy. Found in the hills of WV.


I was walking with family when I was little and we came across a sheeps head. No body or blood just a severed sheeps head on the path. It was the first time I noticed sheep’s eyes have slit pupils and I think my first contact with something so gruesome.


I was in a large wooded area near my bf’s home, with him, hanging out nearly at midnight. We had gone in pretty deep and it required a good amount of climbing. The closest path was maybe 5-7 min climbing down so it was highly unlikely someone could be at that spot, that time of the night, besides us.

As we were kissing and stuff he thought he saw a shadow move 20 – 25 feet to the left of us, climbing, but it stopped suddenly when my bf looked at it. He told me to be wary and that exact moment we saw a dark figure climbing a little up but diagonally, like he tried to go directly above where we were.

We didn’t move and watch him till he closed the horizontal gap and was directly above us maybe 15 feet of steep downhill thick forest. Then he began to come towards us.

Without skipping a bit my bf grabbed my hand and we almost ran downhill till the path. We made it in less that two minutes while still holding hands and listening to the man running behind us. We ran as fast as we could down the path and out of the forest where there was a cafe and some basketball and tennis courts next to the wooded hill, and of course, people.

As we realised we came really close to be mugged or worse, we vowed never to go there at night again.


My friend and I were chilling in the woods one day back in highschool and see a dog walking by, later followed by this kid. He looked troubled so we asked if he needed help. He obliged, telling us he was dog sitting for his friend and the dog got loose. So we spent a good hour following this dog and kid around, going deeper and deeper into the woods.

Eventually I finally got the dog to come to me, but it wasn’t wearing a collar so I wasn’t able to get a hold. My friend and I look away for just few seconds do discuss strategy, and when we turn back around the boy and the dog are both gone. It was like they completely vanished. Keep in mind it was Autumn so any footsteps could be heard from quite afar. But it was just silent. Not a single trace of them anywhere. Still don’t really know what happened. Maybe they ran away real quick? Who knows. Was definitely enough to creep us out though.


Walking on the beach with my boyfriend and we had walked to a giant rocky cliff to make out. Somebody was just gazing at the ocean, crying and shaking. Mind you, this is late at night, like around 9:30 p.m. We asked him if he was ok, he apologized and practically ran back down the cliff (away from the dangerous areas). My boyfriend and I watched him until he reached the public area and decided to call it a night. Im pretty sure he was going to jump.


I found a woman’s body floating in a harbor in San Pedro, CA.


In order to get back home from a popular kebab restaurant I need to walk a short path through the woods. Along the way there is an extremely old abandoned partially collapsed chapel and occasionally I’ll stand there for a few seconds admiring it. It’s quite beautiful in its own way. One day during winter season I decided to rest there for a minute so I placed my kebab on the bench right next to the chapel and just stood there taking in the scenery. It was already rather dark and the woods were almost completely silent but right as I was about to continue my walk I heard footsteps rapidly getting louder. It was a child running towards me and as soon as it realized I was there it started to repeatedly scream “Run, he is coming” or variations of that same sentiment. I was a bit perplexed by the situation so I watched the child run past me without moving an inch myself. It didn’t take another second for a much more weighty pair of footsteps to appear. I could make out a silhouette in the distance which seemed to be their origin and at that exact point in time I got really scared. As opposed to running I decided to hide in the chapel next to the altar and after tripping over an old broken chapel bench I reached my hiding place. The footsteps got louder and louder but right as they approached the vicinity of the chapel they suddenly went silent. About 15 seconds of complete quietness had passed just for the words “Oi! You fucking idiot left your kebab on the bench” to break the silence. Turns out it was a resident of the very same street I inhabit, his nephew was visiting and he wanted to race him to the kebab stand.


This was quite a few years ago now.

But me and my friend had this really cool spot to hang out , in the woods.

You had to walk in the middle of a creek for a KM and duck through sharp bushes and Thistles.

The hike was well rewarding though.

The spot was about half an acre big , it was pure green grass on a incline with beautiful clear water ponds everywhere . There was tons of wildlife and the butterflies lived there, so there was always tons of butterflies.

So the story begins on the way to this place

My friend Levi and I were walking along the river on the way to the spot.

It was in the middle of a valley and nobody else ever went down there

Suddenly Levi stopped moving and ducked into a bush, I did the same because I thought there must have been a large animal somewhere .

I saw him staring up the hill and so I looked up to

There was two people standing at the top of the hill heaving back and forth a lifeless body

We watched as they threw the lifeless corpse down the hill as it bounced off the trees and eventually got stuck on a tree at the bottom.

Then they took off

Me and him were terrified and I was shaking so badly I couldn’t speak

So we decided to verify it was a real body

Levi got about 4 feet away before screaming “IT HAS NOSTRILS !! ITS REAL !! RUN!!”

So of course we take off running , and I glance back to see the two people run back to the top of the hill

Me and him ran 2 km through thick brush and trees to get away from them

The next day we were with his parents driving to town . And we saw like 10 firetrucks at the school closest to the forest

Terrified we told his parents , balling our eyes out worried that we were going to get murdered.

His mom started laughing at us and said,

“They are training for search and rescue , that was a dummy that the firemen had to find “

I never slept as good as I did that night…


In Auburn, AL in 2008. It was halloween and we googled haunted houses. I cant remember what the website was like or if there even was one, but it was like 45 min away. I know that it wasnt like a big attraction and we figured it was on someones land and would be like a local deal. We drove out there at like 10pm. This was before iphones and GPS so we had mapquest directions.

We ended up going down a pretty country road for a while with no street lights, then turned down a legit dirt road that went through the woods. Pitch black. Went down it for like 10 minutes and finally saw an old house with a sign by the driveway that was handwritten and said “Haunted House”. No other cars or lights or people anywhere We pulled in the driveway and sat there for a second like “alright this is fucked up, we should leave”.

All of the sudden an old pick up truck turned on about 15 ft in front of us facing us, lights shining right in our faces. It started driving towards us (down their own driveway).We backed out and peeled out. It followed us, like almost bumping our rear end. Right on our tail down this pitch black dirt road in the middle of the Alabama woods. We were flipping our shit. It was texas chainsaw massacre/hills have eyes stuff. He stayed out our tail blinding us and almost bumping us all the way back home until we got off our exit and he finally let us go. No idea who was driving.

I always think what would have happened if we got out of the car when we were in that driveway.


This took place in the Australian bush around 10/11 at night.

I was 17, leading a staggered column of about 60 Cadets to our detachment campsite. Due to light discipline rules, only myself at the very front of the group and the other flight commander at the rear had torches on. This was so that any vehicles coming along the trail could see us and so that most of the cadets could maintain their night vision(we were camouflaged up and thus difficult to see at night).

As we walked along I periodically looked to my sides, and kept seeing what looked like dew drops on the ground. Almost like tiny blue gems glinting in my torch light either side of the road.I had to maintain my position in the formation, so I couldn’t get a good look at what they were.

However, after a while we stopped for a very brief break, and I took the opportunity to have a closer look. Walking over to the side of the trail I spotted a small cluster of the “diamonds” and focused my head torch on them. Rather than seeing diamonds or dew drops or anything remotely pleasant, I instead saw a group of about 5 large spiders just crouching in the leaf litter and staring at me. They looked like huntsmans which are about the size of an adults hand. Sweeping my head around, I realised there were thousands of the things. All over the ground, some on the trunks of trees, and everywhere around me; glaring at the light affixed to my head.

I had a very brisk walk back to the formation and attempted to play it cool while screaming in my head. Being a massive Arachnophobe, I have no fucking clue how I managed to set up a tent and spend the next week in that cursed forest.


I was walking my dog through the woods and she’d find the odd bone, thought nothing of it, but then she ran towards a huge black sack and was going nuts for it, I open the bag and it’s filled with bones.

Kinda fuckin weird but I’m still like okay just be hunters around or something??

But then I walk a bit further and start seeing more and more bags, then a huge cluster of them, at least 20 right there, all filled with bones.

I decided my dog had a long enough walk after seeing that.


My boyfriend and I were backpacking through rural Tasmania a few years ago. While on a bus, we were discussing our plans for the ensuing two weeks. The girl in the seat in front turns around and offers us a place to stay in her town. We declined as we were headed elsewhere first, but she gave us her mobile number and said that she and her partner would love to have us.

A few days later we decide to take them up on their offer. We call her, and she says they’re happy to host us. So far so good.

They meet us at the train station and immediately something feels off. It’s really difficult to explain, but it’s that primal, ineffable feeling in your guts that tells you that something isn’t right. We ignored our guts and followed them.

They lead us straight out of town. We ask them where we’re going and they say that they live on the outskirts. This town is creepy as fuck. It’s an old mining town that has been largely abandoned, and as we walk the 15-odd minutes to their home the houses get shittier, with boarded up windows, overgrown gardens and no people in sight.

Eventually we reach the house at the very end of the town. It’s their house. We go in.

Set up in the middle of the living room is a single mattress with a sheet hanging around it. They show us around the house except for one door which stays closed. When I asked what was behind it they pretended not to hear. Our room has a made bed, chest of drawers and looks like a normal room. It seems weird that they sleep on mattresses in the living room when they have a “guest room”.

We go back into the living room and look around. Knives. A lot of knives. My boyfriend asks if they go hunting? No. The partner hands one of the knives to my boyfriend and asks him to open it. It’s a massive fucking bowie knife with what looks like blood staining around the edges of the blade. My boyfriend laughs awkwardly and sets it down.

They have a tattoo gun – “to practice”. My boyfriend asks if they have any tattoos. No. There’s a small axe at the door. I ask if they collect wood. No.

Suddenly the guy says he wants to go to the shops. We agree quickly because we’re creeped out and want to get back into the town.

The four of us leave and they start walking in the opposite direction to the town. I say that the town is back the other way. The guy says this way would be more interesting because it goes up through the trees. He says that they have never been up the mountain before but he knows the area and it would take the same amount of time.

I tell my boyfriend that I’m freaking out but he thinks it’s ok. We follow them into the trees. The path goes up the mountain. We are going in the total opposite direction of the town.

The girl turns around to her partner and whispers – “so where was the place again?”

My boyfriend and I freeze. I say I want to take the road back to town and start walking.

When the four of us arrive in the one shop in town – no one recognises the couple. And this is a really small town. We make an excuse that we want to go look at sights and that we’ll catch up with them later, and instead book a hotel room and freak out.

I did some snooping on the area. Their house had an extra room (behind the mystery door) and a basement. The path that we were taking led straight out of town and up the mountain. There was no way it could loop back into town.

So yeah pretty sure we narrowly avoided being murdered. Or maybe they were just massive weirdos. Tbh the creepiest thing was the fact that there was no drug paraphernalia at all – the state of the house and the weird behaviour would have been understandable if they were intoxicated but that wasn’t the case.


During a YMCA camp (15-20 years ago, was around 11-13 at the time) we were camping in tents in a forest area. Was middle of summer so stayed light till around 10pm, 11pm till it was fully dark.

So we go on a night walk with the group and are halfway into the forest when we notice someone definitely not belonging to our group following us. Camp leaders rushed us back to camp and put us into our tents with one leader staying up to watch us.

Cue halfway through the night, wake up and have to pee like a madman. Get out of the tent to walk to the bathroom and see the leader supposed to watch as asleep in his chair by the campfire. Look around and see that the guy following us earlier has opened up and is peeking into one of the tents, while fumbling in a bag he has next to him. Screamed louder then I ever screamed in my life.

Leaders wake up, jump the guy and hold him till the police arrive. Turns out he had a tazer, blindfold, rope and several knives in his bag.


When I was a kid, I used to live on a tiny property in the woods. My house was basically built around where stables were once. My room was, back when it was still stables, where the hay was stocked. Before getting to the creepy thing I need to say some other stuff:

– When you were in my room you could sometimes smell hay out of nowhere.- My dog was always refusing to go upstairs because something was scaring the shit out of it there.- You could sometimes hear knocking on doors (they were 3 entrance doors in my house), sometimes all at once.

Now that this have been said, we can go to the fun thing. So my room had a big ass window that gave a big view over the woods and my garden was basically a clearing. Once, I fucking heard a kid giggling from upstairs. I ran there only to find my window open, and something running out in the woods.I spent 2 more years in this house and fucking felt insecure the whole time.


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Firefighter gets 1.5m after losing hand

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Media caption‘One tiny wound cost me my whole hand’

A firefighter whose hand was amputated after he was injured by faulty cutting gear has received £1.5m in damages.

Ian McDonald, 37, was taking part in a training exercise in March 2014 when his hand was pierced by a high-pressure jet of hydraulic fluid.

He had 40 operations after the toxic liquid destroyed the tissue in his right hand but after a four-year battle doctors were forced to amputate.

The fire service said it had taken steps to prevent similar incidents.

Image caption Ian with his daughter Ava before the accident

Mr McDonald was injured during an exercise at Bishopbriggs fire station, in East Dunbartonshire, which was simulating rescuing a casualty from a car accident using hydraulic cutting equipment.

It was only later that day he noticed his hand starting to swell and he began to feel a burning sensation.

There was a small puncture wound through the side of his hand.

Image caption The fluid got into Ian’s hand through a small puncture wound

“One of my colleagues looked at the glove I had been wearing at the time and there was a hole straight through it,” Mr McDonald, who is from Bishopbriggs, said.

“This started alarm bells ringing that this was a serious consideration.”

He was taken to hospital and an X-ray showed oil inside his hand.

It later emerged the hose pipe connecting the generator to the cutting gear, which pumps an internal fluid up to 850 Bars of pressure, was riddled with tiny punctures which can appear over time after being dragged over broken glass or metal shards at the scene of an incident.

Image caption Ian McDonald said the past five years had been very difficult emotionally and physically

One of these punctures caused a fine jet of hydraulic fluid to escape and pierce Mr McDonald’s leather safety gloves.

Over the next four years, he was in chronic pain and suffering repeated infections as doctors battled to keep his hand working.

“The doctors were doing everything they could to save my hand but at one point I lost one of my fingers, then another finger.

“They were using grafts from my leg to save what they had but it became apparent during last year that it was just beyond repair.”

His hand was finally amputated in June 2018.

“It was a big thing but I didn’t really see there was any other route to go down,” he said.

“I’d already lost my hand by that point in a sense.

“When it was actually physically removed it was no great loss compared to what I’d already been going through.”

Image caption Ian with his four children and his wife Claire

In January, the father-of-four was fitted with a prosthetic hand which he says has given him a lot more independence.

“It allows me to do things for myself and not ask for help and gives me a bit more confidence,” he said.

He now has the dexterity to tie his own shoelaces and can help in the kitchen to a “limited” degree.

Looking back on the past five years, Mr McDonald said it had been “very difficult” emotionally and physically but he thanked his wife Claire for helping him get through.

“At times it was frustrating, knowing it was going on for so long and not making any progress,” he said.

“Physically, it has really taken its toll. I think I had 40 operations in total, each one under general anaesthetic. I also had skin grafts taken from other parts of my body, from my leg three times, and transplanted on to my hand and my arm.

“The medication I was on was really energy-sapping. It’s been a tough time.”

He said the amputation had been “an overnight cure” for his pain and suffering.

“The pain has gone away and the function is improving with the prosthetic device and it is just allowing me to get back to normal as much as I can,” he said.

Image caption Ian says his prosthetic hand has helped his independence and confidence

An investigation into the incident by Digby Brown Solicitors revealed there was an inadequate system of inspection and maintenance for equipment despite the Scottish Fire and Rescue Service knowing about the risks.

There were also protective coverings for the hose which would have prevented Ian’s injury but they were not used.

Solicitor David Nellaney said: “The SFRS is undoubtedly a safety-conscious organisation that provides an invaluable service but on this occasion it failed in its duty of care to an employee.

“No settlement can alter the past, but it can improve the future and in Ian’s case, it will provide access to ongoing medical treatment and ease the financial implications of this workplace injury.”

Scottish Fire and Rescue’s David McGown said he was heartened to see Mr McDonald make a strong recovery.

He said: “Following a robust investigation into Mr McDonald’s injury, we undertook a review of equipment and related safety checks and have taken appropriate steps to minimise the risk of similar incidents happening in the future.”

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Keanus E3 Surprise, a Government Photo Hack, and More News

Keanu Reeves left the internet breathless, hackers stole photos of travelers and license plates, and we have advice on how to ditch those annoying robocalls. Here’s the news you need to know, in two minutes or less.

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Today’s Headlines

Hackers got into a border agency database of traveler photos

Hackers were able to breach a subcontractor of the US Customs and Border Protection, gaining access to photos of travelers and license plates. The CBP hasn’t released information on exactly how bad the hack is—which is deeply troubling on its own—but aside from the obvious danger of having your photos in the hands of hackers, it will also add a new element to the debate on how much facial recognition software the government should be allowed to use.

Keanu Reeves had quite a weekend

At yesterday’s E3 conference, Keanu Reeves surprised attendees with a special announcement: he himself will be in the forthcoming game Cyberpunk 2077, due out next April. Needless to say, as with anything Keanu Reeves is involved with, the internet went nuts.

The first murder case to use family tree forensics goes to trial

Last year, investigators were able to use information from genealogy sites like GEDmatch to catch the infamous Golden State Killer. Since then the same technique has been used in at least 50 other cases. But this week will mark the first time one of these cases has gone to trial. It will put the strategy on the court room stage, and a judge will decide if this kind of evidence is enough to put someone away for life.

Cocktail Conversation

There is one thing that Democrats and Republicans, or even Raptors and Warriors fans, alike can come together to hate, and that thing is robocalls. But there’s good news: You can stop them. Download filtering apps, block individual numbers that call you, add yourself to the do not call registry, and more. Our security writer put together a guide to stopping those obnoxious all-day pocket vibrations.

WIRED Recommends: Instant Pot Ace Blender

Yes, the famous Instant Pot brand has come out with a blender of their own, and our reviewer says it’s an excellent addition to your kitchen—with the right cookbook. Instant Pot’s new blender isn’t just for smoothies, it’s for cooking too, which will make it more useful in your daily life but requires the right recipes to really get the most out of.

More News You Can Use

Forget the Bahamas. China’s cruises are where it’s at.

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